Thursday, October 23, 2008
I am freebasing today, writing whatever comes to my head. I have no theme, no campaign, no agenda. Just me. Does this happen every year at this time, when the cares of the world and work crash down on my well-laid ambitions? I know I have a habit of hiding away from my friends, becoming a "virtual" hermit for months on end.
I sense I am leading up to one of those times now.
Can I fight my own nature? Should I? A trainer told me that it is OK to retreat for a while. But not long. So if I were to take that advice, I should go off and do my deep think..quickly..then come back. That makes sense. I don't want to retreat just for the sake of getting away. The problem is to be faced...after I've regrouped.
I can hear the wind howling out my darkened window, and the crisp flap of the tarp covering our beloved deck. That deck is raised to a work of art in our eyes (mine and my hubby's), as it is the first construction project we've done together. It was three days of hard sweat to build it. And six hundred screws. I developed a new respect for hubby's brute strength. And I think he is mildly amazed that the whole thing came together. After all, my notes were scribbled on three grubby index cards, the measurements checked and rechecked.